The Truth About Weight Loss

Things they tell you about dieting:

It will be hard
It's not. Boring, dull, tedious; whatever you want to call it. It's definitely that, but nothing worthwhile in life is easy. All you need to learn to do is say no. Simple.

You have to eat lettuce
You don't have to. Honestly. As for cabbage soup, bleurgh. Who even does that?

You will only be successful if you sign up to Weightwatchers/Slimming World/Cambridge Diet/etc
Bollocks. I did it all myself and I'm far from the only one out there. Each to their own: if you find the group atmosphere supportive and helpful then great. If you baulk at paying someone money to tell you what the figure on the scales says, that's fine too. Find what works for you.

You have to become a fitness fanatic
Bit more exercise: yup. Doing triathalons: nope.

You are likely to become a diet bore
Well, you don't have to. I'm sure some people do but I'd like to think I avoided the worst of it. Just remember to keep your calorie consumption to yourself - you're probably the only one who really cares about the intracacies of it all.



Things they don't tell you:

To start saving up
Buying an entire new wardrobe is expensive. Plus it sucks when all your old favourite clothes have to go because they swim on you.

Your feet shrink
That is a complete nightmare. Insoles are my new best friends.

You don't end up with the perfect body
You'll more than likely be a similar shape, just smaller. Unless you're the sort who stores all your chub in one place.

People start saying really bitchy things disguised as compliments
"It's taken 20 years off you!" was my particular favourite. Did I look 46 before? Really??

And the kicker:

Losing weight won't magically fix you
It will help. Don't get me wrong; I don't want this to be a doom and gloom piece. But from my bitter personal experience, it will only do so much. There is a certain never-ending fascination about twirling in the mirror and thinking "Where did I all go?". There's a definite high about having the confidence to try out something you'd never dreamed of wearing before. The feeling when you meet someone you haven't seen for a long time and they literally don't recognise you; that, my friends, is a sweet feeling.

But it doesn't make you a new person. It won't soothe all your inner demons, magically restore all your confidence or endow you with brand new personality traits.

You know what? The important people in my life never loved me any the less because of what I looked like, but people in general were vile and often unbelievably hurtful. I've been the pig on "pull a pig" night, I've been abused in the street, I've run the full gamut of disapproving looks and comments from complete strangers. It fucking hurts, and it's not the sort of thing that can be easily forgotten. When your brain has fucked you into a horrible pattern of shying away from doing things/interacting with people because you are fat and fearful of being laughed at, and then becoming shyer and shyer just because you have got out of the habit of talking to strangers, that's hard to change. Looking different on the outside doesn't change the inside. You're still scared of starting conversations. You still don't trust it when people look you up and down. You still panic when people behind you start laughing in case they're laughing at you.

Losing the weight was easy. Rewiring my brain. That's hard.

The Big Reveal

My mantra for the past two years.

In June 2009 I was on holiday in Bruges. I looked like this:

In June 2011 I look like this:

Flattering lighting, airbrushing and miracle M&S bras work wonders, don't they? But self deprecation aside, I am very pleased with myself. I've lost 8 stone now (or 112lb if you prefer). A whole person!

The competition prize of a free photoshoot with For Your Eyes Only came at a perfect time really. Despite the fact that I was utterly terrified and having serious doubts about doing it, I listened to all your support and encouragement and thought that yes, I should stop being a wuss and go and celebrate my new body. You know what? I had a brilliant time! It genuinely was really good fun. Lian (my photographer, who was lovely) asked at the start if I'd be up for doing any nude photos and I was all mimblewimbley and muttered something along the lines of "I dunno. Can we see how I feel later?" Half an hour later and I was merrily prancing around the studio in just a pair of high heels.

I've never been body confident. I'm still not, but I look at these photos and I think back to that sense of exhilaration and fun I had that afternoon in the studio and I know I'm getting there. Slowly, but I'm getting there. And I'm proud of myself. Proud enough (and brave enough!) to show off the pictures anyway. There are a couple of slightly more risque ones but they remain for my eyes only. A girl has to preserve some air of mystery...

It's That Time Of Year...

Is anyone else already thoroughly bored by adverts for fitness videos, diet clubs and those stupid flipping yoghurt drinks? I may scream the next time I see Martine McCutcheon. I also want to burn every single magazine featuring a revoltingly skinny soapstar with the headline "OMG I was a size 12 heifer! Don't I look amazing now?" Err no. You were perfectly normal sized before and if I can count your ribs now, you need to put some weight on.

Here's my attempt at some weightloss tips from the perspective of someone who was properly fat and has now got down to a reasonable weight. I'm not skinny but I have no wish to be. I discussed it before here but for further details, read on.

As a mini disclaimer, I don't want to perpetuate the horrible idea that you need to be skinny to be happy/attractive/successful. I wish more people were comfortable with themselves as they are. But if you want to lose some weight, best of luck to you. I'm not setting myself up as any type of expert here. None of it is rocket science. I wish the diet industry didn't bullshit so much - all you need to do is eat a bit less and exercise a bit more. This is just what worked for me.

- I'll start off by saying that it's not hard. Really it's not. Trust me. It's boring but it's worth it.

- Get some willpower. You really won't get anywhere without it. If you're not properly committed to doing it then things will go wrong and the diet won't work.

- Speaking of which, I don't actually like the word diet. I calorie counted because I needed to lose weight and it seemed like the most sensible way to go about it whilst still eating properly, but really it was about learning to eat healthily and looking after myself better. It's just sometimes easier to say "diet" than it is "healthy eating and exercise plan".

- Do whatever works for you, as long as it's not one of those meal replacement diets. I'm sure they get results in the short term but it's not a healthy way to start things off and what happens when you start eating normal food again? So if it's Weight Watchers or Slimming World, portion control, exercise or good old fashioned calorie counting, pick your method and stick to it.

- Think about what you eat. I'd been kidding myself for years that I didn't really eat that much but that was absolute crap, I was clearly overeating. Just be honest with yourself. Do you snack too much? Eat giant portions? Can't resist any passing cake/chocolate/beer? If you want to lose weight then something will have to change.

- Be sensible. If you're anything like me then you need to retrain your brain and your body about eating healthily. Sticking to your calorie/points limit by just eating cakes isn't a wise move and neither is eating porridge all day so you can get mortal on wine later on (not that I ever did this, oh no). Restricting yourself too much is not likely to turn out well.

- Allow yourself some treats. I need puddings in my life so mini meringues were an absolute godsend.

- I found it really helpful to take over the cooking myself. I went for the calorie counting option and I was far from obsessive over it but it's much easier to know what you've had if you've cooked it yourself. It was for the same reason that I pretty much gave up takeaways. Eating out is do-able, just pick the sensible options where possible.

- Swap things. I think my biggest help was switching from full sized bread to the mini loaves. 120 cals per slice in the former, 50 cals per slice in the latter - it's quite a difference! You could of course just eat half the amount of the full sized bread but my brain doesn't quite work that way. Similarly with crisps. I didn't stop eating them, I just started to buy Walkers Baked (lower cal option) instead.

- Booze. I didn't cut it out completely but I took the approach that it was pointless calories a lot of the time. Don't get me wrong, life without wine and cider would be dull indeed, but I didn't really need to be drinking at home during the week, so I stopped. As with anything else, I'd have it if I wanted it and I could fit it into my daily calorie allowance.

- Ride out the first few weeks. You may well be so hungry at the end of the day that you want to eat your pillows but just have a snack and go to bed. If you eat a lot and then cut things down, you will probably be hungry for a little while till you adjust to it. It gets easier very quickly.

- Work out what your weak points are. I am a sweetie addict and if I have a bag in the house I will eat them all. Even now I can't resist them. I'm just not the sort of person who can put an open packet back in the cupboard. So the answer is simple, I don't buy them. Or I buy myself a Sherbet Dip-Dab or a mini pack of Haribo every now and then as a little treat.

- Do some exercise. I am extremely lazy and don't enjoy exercise so I often have to force myself into it but it is important. I started off with walking at lunchtime, just a half an hour stroll around the grounds at work. When I'd lost enough weight not to feel mortified in a swimming costume I started swimming again. I try and go at least twice a week. Another handy thing was the Step function on the Wii Fit. Set it to 30 minutes and it runs in the background so you can watch tv whilst you're relentlessly going "1,2,3,4" up and down on the board. More productive than loafing on the sofa!

Let me know if you want some moral support. I'm perfectly happy to shout "STEP AWAY FROM THE BISCUITS" at you if needed.