Two months into solo living...how am I finding it?
Mostly I love it. Just me (and Oscar, obvs) pottering around my little house, surrounded by an awful lot of books. It's not that life before this was particularly constricting in any way - far from it - but no matter how much you love the people you live with, sharing a house is not the same as having your very own space.
I'm typing this while curled up in my big armchair in the library, listening to the radio and casting the occasional glance into the living room where young Catpants is snoozing happily on his blanket on the sofa. It's a modest enough achievement - I'm sure people dream of grander houses and newer furniture and big massive televisions - but it's something that I've wanted for a long time and I've worked and saved so hard for it.
Living solo doesn't bother me. I like my own company and I'm perfectly happy like this. We did Insights training at work last year and it's official: I'm an oddbod. Most people have a very similar personality profile in and out of work but mine is completely different. Like, freakily so. I'm red/green at work (which is unusual enough anyway - you're meant to clash with your opposite segments, not be half them!) and blue/yellow at home. In simple terms, I'm an extrovert at work but a massive introvert at home. I need my quiet time and space where I don't have to talk to anyone. It suits me down to the ground to have things this way.
The thing I'm not loving is the anxiety. I really hope this will die down with time because it's a pretty constant nagging feeling in my stomach at the moment and I don't like it. It's probably just post-purchase blues: that sudden whack of realisation that all the slog and then the excitement of renovation/redecoration/moving in is over and you now owe the bank an absolute fuckload of money and that everything that goes wrong is your responsibility to pay for/fix (ooh, what will it be that breaks first?) and you still haven't finished paying off the carpets on the credit card (and how chuffing expensive are carpets btw?!) and you're never going to have any money ever again. Only that's all on my shoulders. No-one else to split the bills and share the worry with. Just me. Freaking out about it somewhat.
Like I say though, I'm hoping this will dissipate eventually. As one of my oldest and best friends said at the weekend, "You should be really proud of this, Alex."
I am. I really am. I just need to settle into appreciating that.