Yet More Hideous Frocks

Yayyyyyyyyyyyyy, time for more ugly frocks! It's been a while since I last seared your retinas with utter hideousness, hasn't it?

This lot are all in the ASOS sale, should you wish to purchase one. I really hope you don't.

Why? Whyyyyyyyyyy? Didn't we leave this sort of thing behind a long, long time ago?

It even looks cross from the back.

*shakes head*

I do not like the smock frock. I especially do not like this one with the weird cut out shoulders. Anything that makes a pretty, slim model look terrible is not something that I am tempted to purchase.

Don't think "sexy" is the first word I'd choose to describe this frock but the ASOS folk clearly disagree with me!

Yeah. Hmmm....

I can see how some people would like this. Not me, obviously. I don't do weird animal effect prints (#wardrobezoo is something else entirely). But what is going on with her body?? Have they bizarrely photoshopped her?? Is it an optical illusion caused by the dress?? I can't believe anyone has a waist/torso that actually looks like that.

Not entirely sure why having a dropped armhole is considered an attractive design feature? Anyone with boobs is going to have some scandalous moments in this!

This, dear readers, is £175 worth of nastiness.


I'll leave you with the two I entitle "Star Trek Extras":

Hideous Frocks: The ASOS Edition

Here I am again, taking one for the team and bringing you the very worst of the frocks section of the ASOS sale. I can't resist an anti-wishlist post.

This is by far the worst. I can't get my head round it. I wouldn't ever recommend going on a night out in your bra and pants and this "dress" is essentially the same thing.

*snorks to self* I..I just...I have no words...

This is undoubtedly very pretty fabric and you're probably all "Whuuuut? Why has she picked it?" Well, it's because this frock is so smocky that they haven't dared to take a photo of the model wearing it normally. Because it looks like a complete sack no matter what they do.

Cheapy cheapy cheap cheap. Also v.low cut at the front and back. Not a good idea.

PINK FRINGED BOOBS! You know you want them.

You too could pay £88 (and that's the sale price!) to look this tacky.

Those of you who harbour Carrie Bradshaw/swan fantasies will probably love this. I think it looks ridiculous. And what's with the shoes??

Want to see two of the vilest maxi dresses I've ever seen? Course you do!

Why? Just why? Also, why those minging shoes with it?

She looks about as happy to be wearing this as I am to be looking at it. Literally nothing about it is nice.


I can't subject my eyes to any more torture today, so I'll have to leave you with that selection of dresses. But before I go, check out this pair of monstrous shoes that Char found.

Eek!

Hideous Frocks

Lots of shops sell frocks. Lots of shops sell really nice frocks.  But almost all of them will have one or two absolute horrors lurking around as well and it's time we all pointed and laughed at them.  I did this with ugly shoes back in the day and it seems time to reprise the feature for another wardrobe item. Why should shoes have all the fun?

Now I'm not slagging off the shops or anything.  On my infrequent recent shopping trips I've seen an awful lot of nice dresses around. It's just too cold to start buying spring/summer stuff at the mo but when it warms up you can be sure I'll purchase a frock or three.  H&M have got one or two beauties, once all the stuff made from nasty fabric has been ruled out. You can almost guarantee I'll always find something I like in the Closet and Billie & Blossom ranges at Dorothy Perkins. I like the simplicity of Vero Moda. I'm even finding myself lusting after a lot of the Primark spring range.

It would be easy to do a wishlist full of pretty things, wouldn't it? I'm gonna make you look at hideous things instead.  Muahahahahaha. It's much more fun to mock them than it is to coo over nice stuff.

It all started when I was browsing the Boohoo website (I bought an awesome jumper which I will feature soon) and came across this:

 I christen it the Slutty Flintstone

And this is kinda normal I suppose but a) PEPLUM and b) BEIGE PEPLUM. Madly unflattering, even on a teeny tiny model, plus ewwww peplum.

Missguided are very fond of a cutout, aren't they?

As if this wasn't nasty enough, it's also got a socking great exposed zip down the back.

More sensible to just go out in your bra, surely? You can't possibly call that a bodice.

ASOS sells so many things that you're never too far away from something great, or something utterly vile:

For just £338 pounds you too could dazzle in a fricking AWFUL drop waist swanhead lady dress.

This reminds me strongly of that dress Julia Roberts wore in Pretty Woman. No, not the posh polka dot one. The hooker one.

I want to like this frock, at least from afar. But when you get closer it is essentially an apron and a collar attached to some see through mesh and frankly I'm not that fashion forward.

Even Dorothy Perkins, usually fairly tame and inoffensive when it comes to frocks, has some weird choices in at the moment.

Snot green neoprene? Really??

What's this all about please?  A minging zip AND drawstrings AND a deeply odd skirt. I am baffled.

Unsurprisingly, Topshop wasn't short of options either:

Take one tablecloth, form it into a shapeless sack, et voila!

I'm all for a bit of #wardrobezoo action but I can honestly say that I've never thought "You know what my wardrobe is lacking? A dress with a shark eating my tit."

Erm, shameful confession. I was in full mock mode for this one, just because it is so in-your-face and stripy and PINK (I loathe pink), but I would totally wear it. I can't help myself.

I would also buy this from Glamorous in a heartbeat if it weren't for one thing.

WHERE DO YOUR BOOBS GO??? The bodice is practically a set of braces.

Answers on a postcard please.

Cracking Christmas Giveaway: Day Four

Happy Tuesday everyone! It's Day Four of the giveaway today and the prize is:

A very pretty frock from Madam Rage

Madam Rage were super helpful when I was trying to track down a cat print blouse recently and they've continued their general loveliness by offering this dress as a giveaway prize.  Isn't it pretty?  I love that slight gold shimmer in the lace.

 It's available in sizes 8-16, so if it'll fit you (or someone you know), get entering!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Frocks, Frocks, Frocks

I don’t tend to spend much time browsing shops online during the summer.  This isn’t because I do an enormous amount of actual shopping in real shops instead, it’s more due to the fact that I do things in the summer.  My disposable cash tends to get sucked up by weekends away, holidays, tickets to the theatre and the ballet and the cinema, and the ever-present book-buying habit.  Then before you know it I’m moaning about there being too much month for my money and the cute frock I’ve seen gets relegated to the “look for it on ebay in six months” list rather than the “buy it NOW” list.

Winter is a different story though.  I don’t turn into some sort of SAD-affected hermit who never goes out, but the fun jaunts are definitely not as common.   When there are more funds available, I tend to shop a little bit more.   Actual shopping in the winter is hideous though.  Unless you can bunk off work for the day then you get stuck in the weekend Christmas shopping crush (which seems to start in about October) and are beaten around the legs with rogue rolls of wrapping paper until you want to stomp off home in a strop.  Oh, and don’t forget the hideously unpleasant contrast of boiling hot shops and minus temperatures outside and having to constantly strip off layers of coats, hats, scarves and gloves before you spontaneously combust on the ground floor of Primark. 

I would so much rather sit at home with a large mug of coffee and idly browse websites until something catches my eye.  And dresses always catch my eye.  Having to sometimes pay p&p is a fair trade-off for avoiding the shops in the winter as far as I'm concerned.

This is an pheasant print frock. Yes, you heard me.  Pheasants.  How amazing is that?! My #wardrobezoo is sorely lacking in the birdy-ducky thing (it's a family term) department.

Speaking of ducks... DUCKS!  How cute is this Joules beauty?

Woman cannot live by wardrobezoo alone though.  Well, not this one anyway.  I have quite the weakness for frocks that resemble soft furnishings.  Honestly, I'm not being sarky here.  I love my dresses made from duvet covers and curtains and this one reminds me of some very floral cushions that my Nan had.

I can be sensible when I try though. This is both simple and rather beautiful.

And this might seem like a super straightforward black frock (those lucky souls who can wear the colour will probably be drawn to the berry version) but just think how lovely it'd look with any of my collection of coloured opaque tights.