Is It A Bird? No, It's A Plane

I like it when a plan comes together.

I also very much like it when an outfit comes together. I don't usually put that much effort into pairing things up - things either work within the context of my limited wardrobe and accessories or they don't. Time and money prevent me from dithering around finding the "perfect" thing to match it up with.

Also I have a raging hatred for blog posts about things like "10 ways to wear jeans". Here's a crazy notion: put them on your legs and get on with your day.

 Ahem. Am I a fashion blogger or a fraud?

So I totes bought this AMAZE top and I was all "OMG, whatever will I wear it with?"
*consults ASOS, asks on Twitter etc*



Yeah, I actually just looked in my wardrobe and went "That'll do", then ended up actually liking my reflection in the mirror for once. Score.

It is an amazing top though. Maps and planes!!

Top - Vero Moda (get it here)
Blazer - Warehouse via charity shop
Jeans - Gap
Heels - Shelly's via Spartoo
Stacking rings - Dorothy Perkins

It's A Shoe Zoo Out There

It's on days like this that I realise what a giant moron I am at times. I had utterly forgotten that I even bought these amazing shoes.  Who does that? How is it even possible??* They are actual #wardrobezoo SHOES!

* Answer = Me. Because I am messy and disorganised and can't get anywhere near the shoe wardrobe.

Giraffes and elephants and ostriches. Oh my!  They are so brilliant and super fun - I was clacking around in them all day and thoroughly enjoying myself. If I had any dancing ability whatsoever then I'm sure I would have launched into an impromptu tap routine to fully express my sense of new-shoe-joy.  Ok, so I'm not entirely sure they'll be comfy enough to wear without tights underneath due to the slightly low vamp but I am in mild despair about it ever being warm enough to go bare legged again, so that's fine and dandy.

Only mild despair. After all, I've still got loads of lovely winter coats to wear. When they're this cute, it seems a crying shame to have to stash them at the back of a cupboard for six months. I want to wear them and spin around going "wheeeeeee!" at the loveliness of the Puritan collar.

Like I said, I'm a bit of a moron at times. Perhaps the confectionery nature of my shirt is giving me a sugar rush or something.

Coat - Vero Moda
Dress - New Life
Blouse - ASOS sale
Shoes - Irregular Choice via ebay
Earrings - local shop

Hideous Frocks

Lots of shops sell frocks. Lots of shops sell really nice frocks.  But almost all of them will have one or two absolute horrors lurking around as well and it's time we all pointed and laughed at them.  I did this with ugly shoes back in the day and it seems time to reprise the feature for another wardrobe item. Why should shoes have all the fun?

Now I'm not slagging off the shops or anything.  On my infrequent recent shopping trips I've seen an awful lot of nice dresses around. It's just too cold to start buying spring/summer stuff at the mo but when it warms up you can be sure I'll purchase a frock or three.  H&M have got one or two beauties, once all the stuff made from nasty fabric has been ruled out. You can almost guarantee I'll always find something I like in the Closet and Billie & Blossom ranges at Dorothy Perkins. I like the simplicity of Vero Moda. I'm even finding myself lusting after a lot of the Primark spring range.

It would be easy to do a wishlist full of pretty things, wouldn't it? I'm gonna make you look at hideous things instead.  Muahahahahaha. It's much more fun to mock them than it is to coo over nice stuff.

It all started when I was browsing the Boohoo website (I bought an awesome jumper which I will feature soon) and came across this:

 I christen it the Slutty Flintstone

And this is kinda normal I suppose but a) PEPLUM and b) BEIGE PEPLUM. Madly unflattering, even on a teeny tiny model, plus ewwww peplum.

Missguided are very fond of a cutout, aren't they?

As if this wasn't nasty enough, it's also got a socking great exposed zip down the back.

More sensible to just go out in your bra, surely? You can't possibly call that a bodice.

ASOS sells so many things that you're never too far away from something great, or something utterly vile:

For just £338 pounds you too could dazzle in a fricking AWFUL drop waist swanhead lady dress.

This reminds me strongly of that dress Julia Roberts wore in Pretty Woman. No, not the posh polka dot one. The hooker one.

I want to like this frock, at least from afar. But when you get closer it is essentially an apron and a collar attached to some see through mesh and frankly I'm not that fashion forward.

Even Dorothy Perkins, usually fairly tame and inoffensive when it comes to frocks, has some weird choices in at the moment.

Snot green neoprene? Really??

What's this all about please?  A minging zip AND drawstrings AND a deeply odd skirt. I am baffled.

Unsurprisingly, Topshop wasn't short of options either:

Take one tablecloth, form it into a shapeless sack, et voila!

I'm all for a bit of #wardrobezoo action but I can honestly say that I've never thought "You know what my wardrobe is lacking? A dress with a shark eating my tit."

Erm, shameful confession. I was in full mock mode for this one, just because it is so in-your-face and stripy and PINK (I loathe pink), but I would totally wear it. I can't help myself.

I would also buy this from Glamorous in a heartbeat if it weren't for one thing.

WHERE DO YOUR BOOBS GO??? The bodice is practically a set of braces.

Answers on a postcard please.

An Addition to the Wardrobe Zoo

I had a Disney-deprived childhood. The only animated films we had were The Little Mermaid and Robin Hood.  Fine choices, I'm sure you'll agree, but I'm still the weirdo who's never watched Snow White, Cinderella, Dumbo, Beauty and the Beast... the list goes on.

Our animated film of choice was The Raccoons and the Lost Star.  I watched it so many times over the years that I now have a trigger in my brain.  When I hear the word raccoon I immediately go "Bert Raccoon, flying ace!" and I do it with great gusto.

That's Bert, rocking an amazing initial jumper.  He liked planes btw. It's not just something I made up.

So, hello there raccoon top! And if you're wondering, hell yes I ran round in it going "FLLLLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGG AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE" and pretending to be a pilot. It would be rude not to.

Excellent addition to the #wardrobezoo, isn't it?  I was so tempted to whack on a pair of my blue Irregular Choice cat patterned shoes as well but sometimes I have to play it on the safe side for work.  Boo.

Top - Vero Moda

Jeans - Gap

Blazer - Warehouse via charity shop

Shoes & ring - Dorothy Perkins

Positivity

I don't usually do the whole giving-things-up-for-Lent thing. I'm not particularly religious so it doesn't seem vital to me and I already know full well that I'm capable of denying myself nice food. I did it for sodding ages when I was losing weight. The next 35 days or so won't see me giving up anything physical. Instead (and I'm trying not to sound too wanky and self-help guide here), I'm trying to give up being negative about myself.

It's hard.

For starters I'm English, therefore genetically incapable of being positive about myself without feeling immensely awkward. When it gets to annual PDR time at work I'm generally found gnashing my teeth and trying to think of inventive ways to describe what I've done over the course of the year without sounding like an egomaniac. And I am good at my job: I really am. If I was American I'd be whooping and "way to go Alex"-ing myself. But I'm not, so I don't. 

I'm quite horrible to myself a lot of the time, especially when it comes to my appearance. I take about 90 photos everytime I do an outfit post - thank goodness for the multishot setting. I am harsh when I go through them to select which ones to edit and use. I reckon if I bit the bullet and used most of the ones I discard for making me look too fat/treble-chinned/just plain weird, you probably wouldn't see what I see. You'd just see Alex wearing some clothes in front of a brick wall, looking much the same as normal . I would never read someone else's blog and think "god, she looks terrible in those photos", yet I do it to myself with 90% of the pictures I take.  

My default mode in outfit photos is always to stare at the floor and try and disguise the worst points about myself but this isn't possible when you rope in a family member to take photos and they're all "Look at the camera!" "Stop looking at the floor!" "Stop looking grumpy!" "Smile!" "Say sausages!"

So how do I word this without sounding negative? Um. I am not particularly fond of how I look in these photos.  But I do absolutely adore this new coat and it deserves to be shown off, so I shall show it off. It was quite a discovery. We used to have a Vero Moda in Liverpool but I think it's gone now.  I never shopped there much anyway so it's not a brand I tend to remember to look at online.  Equally I didn't expect to find it stocked at Spartoo: I associate them with shoes, not clothes! I came across it during an idle lunchtime browse and had to have it.

The Peter Pan collar is dead. Long live the Puritan collar!

It's such nice quality - lovely, warm material that makes it perfect for that spring weather when you don't want to bundle up in an ankle length winter coat but need something a bit more substantial than a summer jacket.  I like it when a piece of clothing makes you feel happier.

Coat - Vero Moda

Dress - New Look via New Life

Cardi - Gap sale

Shoes - Next clearance

Here's to positivity and smiling more.

The moral of this story is that a tripod can never make you laugh like your mum can.