Hideous Frocks

Lots of shops sell frocks. Lots of shops sell really nice frocks.  But almost all of them will have one or two absolute horrors lurking around as well and it's time we all pointed and laughed at them.  I did this with ugly shoes back in the day and it seems time to reprise the feature for another wardrobe item. Why should shoes have all the fun?

Now I'm not slagging off the shops or anything.  On my infrequent recent shopping trips I've seen an awful lot of nice dresses around. It's just too cold to start buying spring/summer stuff at the mo but when it warms up you can be sure I'll purchase a frock or three.  H&M have got one or two beauties, once all the stuff made from nasty fabric has been ruled out. You can almost guarantee I'll always find something I like in the Closet and Billie & Blossom ranges at Dorothy Perkins. I like the simplicity of Vero Moda. I'm even finding myself lusting after a lot of the Primark spring range.

It would be easy to do a wishlist full of pretty things, wouldn't it? I'm gonna make you look at hideous things instead.  Muahahahahaha. It's much more fun to mock them than it is to coo over nice stuff.

It all started when I was browsing the Boohoo website (I bought an awesome jumper which I will feature soon) and came across this:

 I christen it the Slutty Flintstone

And this is kinda normal I suppose but a) PEPLUM and b) BEIGE PEPLUM. Madly unflattering, even on a teeny tiny model, plus ewwww peplum.

Missguided are very fond of a cutout, aren't they?

As if this wasn't nasty enough, it's also got a socking great exposed zip down the back.

More sensible to just go out in your bra, surely? You can't possibly call that a bodice.

ASOS sells so many things that you're never too far away from something great, or something utterly vile:

For just £338 pounds you too could dazzle in a fricking AWFUL drop waist swanhead lady dress.

This reminds me strongly of that dress Julia Roberts wore in Pretty Woman. No, not the posh polka dot one. The hooker one.

I want to like this frock, at least from afar. But when you get closer it is essentially an apron and a collar attached to some see through mesh and frankly I'm not that fashion forward.

Even Dorothy Perkins, usually fairly tame and inoffensive when it comes to frocks, has some weird choices in at the moment.

Snot green neoprene? Really??

What's this all about please?  A minging zip AND drawstrings AND a deeply odd skirt. I am baffled.

Unsurprisingly, Topshop wasn't short of options either:

Take one tablecloth, form it into a shapeless sack, et voila!

I'm all for a bit of #wardrobezoo action but I can honestly say that I've never thought "You know what my wardrobe is lacking? A dress with a shark eating my tit."

Erm, shameful confession. I was in full mock mode for this one, just because it is so in-your-face and stripy and PINK (I loathe pink), but I would totally wear it. I can't help myself.

I would also buy this from Glamorous in a heartbeat if it weren't for one thing.

WHERE DO YOUR BOOBS GO??? The bodice is practically a set of braces.

Answers on a postcard please.