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Ugly Shoes: The Irregular Choice Edition

Thursday, 4 April 2013

It seemed like you all enjoyed my round up of hideous frocks and, going back a while, really ugly shoes.  Since then, many more pairs of awful shoes have thrust themselves to my attention. Now I've stopped wailing "My eyes!", I've decided to share them with you all.  I'm nice like that.

This, my friends, is the Irregular Choice edition.

Now, I should mention that I love Irregular Choice.  You only have to look back through the blog to realise that. I'm wearing a pair of their boots right now, in fact!  They have some of the most interesting, cute and beautiful designs around.  But all that loveliness comes with an ugly flipside.  A lot of their designs are frankly hideous. It's as if they find a nice style, feed it lots of sugar and then let it roll round in the embellishments department.

Case in point. 

And if they're not overly embellished, they're often just a bit odd. I'm really not a fan of this heel shape anyway, but the cage bit is WEIRD. Where do your feet go?

I can actually see some people rocking these, but it's all just a bit too much for me.

No, no, no. Ugly heel, ugly peep toe, ugly fabric, ugly bow.

The Dan Sullivan collection is always good for a laugh too. Insanely expensive and usually insanely horrible.

It's not the heel shape I hate - I have a pair with a similar heel and they're surprisingly normal and nice to wear.  It's the fact they're a) pink and b) look like a fecking lampshade.

 Dolls FREAK ME OUT.  Especially when they're trapped in plastic ON YOUR ANKLES. It's like an episode of Dr Who.

Oh god. Where do you even start listing what's wrong with these?

A quick whirl through eBay will also find you some terrible, terrible examples. Char and I quite often email other going "Whaaaat?? EWWWWW! Why would you do that to a poor, innocent shoe?"

Yeti boots anyone?

Hands up if you like these.  Really? You big weirdo*

The shoe equivalent of a chavvy Burberry hat.

Argh, argh, ARGH. I hate trotter toes!!

A perfectly nice blue heel ruined by half a ton of fabric. I just don't get it.  They can make such beautiful shoes when they try!

Alas I've been unable to find photographic proof of the most awful pair I've ever seen, which were creepers with a massive, vomit coloured rubber sole and a big slab of fake fur on the top.  It's probably best that they aren't shared with the world though. We might all go blind with the horror of it.

* If you do like any of these, more power to you.  I know I've benefitted on eBay from liking some of the whackier styles that no-one else does. Just don't wear the Blythe/doll ones anywhere near me, m'kay?


  1. Thanks for putting a huge smile on my face. Seriously, WHY would you do any of the above to a shoe? WHY WHY WHY?

  2. I love the overloaded floral and donut ones - but the weird shape ones are not only bizarro but impossible to walk in!

  3. I have to admit I kind of like the doll ones, however I wouldn't buy them ;) I tend to stick to the more 'normal' Ireegular Choice pieces, but have you seen the new Rabbit ones??? LOVE THEM!!

    Under The Cherry Rainbow

    Shop: Jelly Button
    Shop: Cherry Rainbow

  4. I totally agree and disagree at the same time! You're right... there is going to be someone out there who can TOTALLY rock most of these shoes....

    ... except... the minging pigs trotter shoes, they're beyond repair!

    Bundana @

  5. Pig trotter shoes? ewww!
    I had a looky see in their London store recently, found many I loved, many many more that I didn't. I have to admit, second one down, I like the heel shape.

  6. You'd have to dress in something totally neutral to balance out most of these! did quite like the donut one but don't think it would go with anything else I own.

  7. Some of these look like a five year old glued glitter, scrap fabric, toys on her mommy's expensive heels.

  8. Those brown ones look like something dug up in "Bones"! Odd, odder and more so the further down the page - I can't imagine walking out in any of them..

  9. This post made me howl with laughter!!!

  10. They are utterly vile!!!!! Part of me secretly loves the massive bouquet on those Dan Sullivan ones but NO, on a shoe, are you nuts?!?!!
    The trotter ones are the worst, followed closely by the nasty lampshade ones- maybe we should make our own pair for er-20p!x

  11. erm, I quite like the chavvy burberry but I don't mind that everyone else hates them, ha! Most of these are hideous and certainly STATEMENT shoes for all the wrong reasons...

    1. Don't worry, Sophie, I think I actually have a pair of said chavvy Burberry ones! :)

  12. Most of these are quite grim, I don't understand the donut embellishments. I sort of like the tacky doll stuff but not the raffia platform part of them!

  13. I love these posts!!
    I think some of them would look ok if worn right, I could imagine Paloma Faith wearing the first pair and rocking them.
    The second pair I don't even understand where your legs are supposed to go!! The pair you say look like curtains actually reminded me of cousin IT, not good and the dolls well I'm scared to even look at that again, freaky! xxx

  14. ROFL, ok well you probably should've put a picture of me along most of these because...well I sorta like them! The doughnut pair are crazy, but so crazy that I like them, I mean who thought of putting a large cake on a shoe? Bonkers but great! I really like the cage ones (oops), the palm tree I love the colours, not sure if the shoe shape is totally me, but I agree someone could rock them. I kinda like the bow ones. I really love the lampshade DS ones. Really love them (stone me). The dolly pair I own and love (oh more stones). I think those flowers would annoy the hell out of you when you're walking, but I think as a shoe just to look at and not wear, they are great.

    Those yeti boots are gross, the dimple toe meh just kinda on the fence with those, the burberry ones I had the exact same pair and loved them, I thought they were so cute! I actually think if I look at something ugly for long enough, it turns out quite cute. It hasn't worked for these fringed monsters which I've always hated and another pair were those patchwork peep toes from years ago, it looked like you'd run over a manky quilt ewwww.

    Anyway, I'm away to clean up my cuts and bruises, when will I come round to yours with my dolly boots on? Muahahaha! x x x

  15. Man there are some hideous shoes here, those doll ones really freak me out!

    Maria xxx

  16. Oh my.... what horrid pairs of shoes, why would anyone ever want to wear any of those?!

    X x

  17. I love these apart from teh wierd toe ones and the yeti boots.

  18. Most of these are terrible but I like the chavvy burberry ones. The pig's trotter shoes make me feel nauseous!


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